06 Nov Dear designers…
I would like to buy a new pair of jeans. My old ones served me well for nearly four years, but when the hole became so large I feared my right buttock would fall out I knew it was finally time to say goodbye.
Buying jeans has never been my favourite pastime. Denim can be very unforgiving under changing room lights. One-click shopping is a bonus, squeezing my flesh into jeans is less of a soul-destroying experience in the comfort of my own bedroom.
But this time, not even the internet can help. This problem is bigger than Google.
I cannot find a pair of jeans that fit.
Oh, I can do them up and some even make my bum look not too big. But not one pair is long enough. Come on people – it’s November. I don’t want to show my ankles.
If I buy a jean, or even a trouser, I would like all of it please. I did not like fractions at school and I do not want them now, in my wardrobe. I do not want 3/4 of a trouser leg. I will not settle for 7/8.
I do not want to have to spread jam on my shoes to persuade my trouser legs down for tea.
Wearing socks has always struck me as a really good idea during autumn and winter in the northern hemisphere. Being neither under 29, nor from the Far East, I cannot rock the ‘sock with ankle-skimming jeans’ look.
Bring back full-length jeans! I would like a leg that reaches all the way down. Right down, maybe finishing somewhere around the heel of my Superga. Maybe with a slight kick flare or boot cut to balance out what God gave me in the bum department.
Is that really too much to ask? Or am I destined to wear skirts until jean and trousers legs return to normal?
Confused & Increasingly Desperate, of Arundel.
PS I don’t want ripped knees either. Or ripped seams.
PPS I realise this is a first world problem 🙂
PPPS Any suggestions VERY gratefully received. The search continues…