02 Apr The Seven Signs of Ageing
The seven signs of ageing…
We’re not talking fine lines and wrinkles. Or whatever else it says on the back of that cream you bought to make you look ‘instantly’ firmer, brighter or just less bloody tired.
It goes without saying that teenage years spent motionless like a gekko in whatever sunshine I could find have left their unmistakable pattern on my skin.
However, I’m also aware of more subtle signs of ageing.
The ones that at first only you notice.
But, the moment you share details with a friend the rest come tumbling out from you both, in a kind of conversational tennis without end…
- Your joints form their own percussion section when you walk down the stairs. Pre-breakfast is the loudest. Is muesli a lubricant?
- You don’t want to be ‘woke’. Whether that’s from a nap, by a 7am alarm or in any other way imaginable.
- Neither of your arms is long enough for holding a restaurant menu at a readable distance. And yes, you have tried the sideways stretch.
- The skin on the back of your hands can no longer be subjected to the hurricane force of a Dyson hand dryer.
- The two-glass hangover is a real thing. Especially if you’ve been drinking on a school night.
- Forget sensible shoes, it’s all about the sensible coat. To qualify as ‘sensible’, a coat must possess two key things:
Pockets deep enough to house parking change, because who can work those parking meters that require an app?
The unshakeable ability to withstand Weather (Yes! That is weather with a capital W. The kind this island excels in for nine months a year.)
- Garden centres are the new High Street. Veggie seeds, sensible coats (see previous), caffeine and cake under one roof. What’s not to like?
When did you realise you were nestling comfortably into middle age?
Or skidding sideways into your third age?